


children of the gods

by Ffwydriad



Series: future tense [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Future Fic, Gen, Humor, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-04 11:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad
Summary: a ranger, a bard, a rogue, a paladin, and a sorcerer meet in a bar.they have more in common than they thought.





	children of the gods

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be like, 2 or 3 drabbles. instead, here we are.
> 
> the fact this is the first vox machina fic ive actually posted on here is a shame.

The first time they meet, is in a bar that's just a bit too small and just a bit too crowded, for the night, and a group of three ends up joining a group of two in the corner, because there isn't enough space to grab a separate table, and hey, they look like they're interesting enough to spend a night drinking together. 

"Sit down and shut up," the black bird says, in a voice much harsher and much deeper than any of them had expected. 

"Ignore her," the halfling to her right says. "She thinks she's being funny."

"I am very sweet," the bird says, tilting her head and preening, and then, "Kiri Shuster," in yet another voice. 

"What are you?" Trix asks, leaning in close. 

"What are you?" Kiri replies, leaning across the table to meet them. 

"Have you never met a tiefling before?" Trix tilts a bit, showing off their horns. "We're not super common, 

Kiri laughs, in a weird collection of stolen laughs, and then says, "I use thaumaturgy to open all the windows."

Trix looks confused for a few moments, and then a grin begins to cross their face. They snap, and as they do, the windows of the bar fly open, to the shock of everyone except for the group at the table, and even then, it takes them more than a bit by surprise. 

"Oh gods," V says, "We've met someone worse than Trix."

"I need another drink," Luc says. 

"At least you're normal," June says, looking at him somewhat wearily, and that's what it takes for Luc to laugh. 

* * *

Trix is, technically, short for Beatrix, but it's long since been accepted both personally and legally that it is actually short for Trick - and, on certain occasions and scattered pieces of paperwork, Trickfoot. Much can be said, about Trix de Rolo, but in the end it all comes down to: so powerful of a chaos magnet that they got actual magic along for the ride - just as chaotic and just as fun. 

June is short for Juniper, and, from her parents and certain aunts and uncles, Junebug. Her surname changes based on her mood and what's going on, and which parent she's falling more in line with, but it's usually Trickfoot, because she's always been her mother's daughter - a devout worshiper of Sarenrae and an absolute monster with the divine smites to prove it. 

V is short for Velora, although it's been V for some forty years, now, and if you ask why there's a hundred different reasons for the change, but everyone who knows her knows the reason well enough not to ask. She has a bow (stolen) several daggers (stolen) and owlbear feathers in her hair (an extremely treasured gift). 

Together, they're the Disaster Crew (which has been signed on official contracts with people who then hired them to do work, and honestly, that's kind of impressive) and it takes a round of drinks and a night of talking to recruit their two newest members. 

Luc Brenatto has a teleporting dog that's taller than him and a crossbow, and Kiri Shuster has a deadly wit and sings like a music box, and they're fun to hang around with and they're pretty good at killing things, and really, what else matters?

* * *

No matter where you go in Wildemount, if people are talking about adventurers - the big ones, the kind that people make legends out of, they talk about the Mighty Nein. Depending on who you talk to, they're either the greatest heroes of the century or the greatest villains, either a perfectly pleasant group or a raving band of assholes bent on chaos and destruction, but no matter what, people are talking about them, and no one else. 

No matter where you go in Tal'Dorei, people talk about Vox Machina in the same light. Except Vox Machina gets, well, basically perfect reviews straight off the board. The handful of people who disagree, well, they tend to have other reasons why they're not exactly reliable sources. 

Luc Brenatto has never met anyone who didn't know about the Mighty Nein. He's never been anywhere where aspiring heroes weren't compared to them. It's kind of nice, honestly. 

The Disaster Crew have never met anyone who didn't know about Vox Machina and who wasn't living under a rock, but hey, Wildemount sounds like a pretty weird and backwards place, so they can probably forgive these two their failings. 

* * *

"You sure you'll be alright?" Fjord asks, standing at the docks. "I don't have to leave with the ships, I could always come with you."

"We'll be fine," Luc says. "The whole point of coming to Tal'Dorei was to not travel with you. And besides, we've got friends here, we'll be fine."

"Hi!" June says, waving a little bit from where they stand, further back by the edge of the docks. "You've got a very nice ship!"

"It would be a shame if something happened to it!" Trix adds. 

"Is that a threat?" Fjord asks, looking over at the three of them.

"Fire!" Kiri adds. "Fluffernutter!" Fjord actually winces at that. 

"Ignore them," Luc says. 

"Just, don't get into trouble, okay? Your parents are going to kill me if anything happens to you two."

"Get into trouble, okay," Kiri parrots. 

"Do you want Veth to murder me?" Fjord asks. "She could do it."

"Mom could kill a god if it didn't see her," Luc says. "We'll be fine."

"We're very good at not dying!" V calls out. "No one's died yet!"

"We could always go to Wildemount!" Trix says. "I always wondered what Wildemount was like. And we could visit Uncle Tary!"

"We're not going to Wildemount!" Luc shouts back. 

"Make sure you keep an eye on eachother, okay?" Fjord adds. He's not sighing a much as he could be, so that's...something. "And if anything goes wrong, you can always send a message to Jester and she can pop in and check on you."

"I can send a message," Kiri confirms. "Go fuck yourself."

"If you find a dragon, run away, really, really fast," Fjord says. "And stick with your friends, they'll take care of you."

"Walking away now," Luc says. 

"Go fuck yourself!" Kiri says, just as cheerfully and gives a little wave. "Take care of them," she adds, in a brand new voice with a brand new accent that's difficult to trace. 

If Fjord chokes up a little bit, waving them goodbye, well, he's a weird guy. 

* * *

The Disaster Crew leave a trail of chaos in their wake on the way to Westruun, but it isn't nearly as big a wake as it could have been. They save a handful of small towns, and they set a relatively small number of things on fire, and no one dies and that counts as success, more or less. 

They are not going to set anything on fire in Westruun. "It's home," June explains. "We can't set my home on fire, I kind of want to be allowed back here."

"Is this where all of you are from, then?" Luc asks. 

"June isn't even from here," Trix explains. "She's from Marqet. And Vasselheim. And Emon."

"My parents travel a lot," June says. "I'm also from Whitestone, like Trix."

"Yeah, but fuck Whitestone," Trix adds. 

Kiri sings the first few bars of _Welcome to Hupperdook_, and Luc tilts his head. 

"Is Westruun a Gnome city?" he asks. 

"No?" June says, staring at the two of them. 

"Does Wildemount have a lot of race-specific cities?" V asks. "I know there are Elven cities and Dwarven cities, but I've never heard of a Gnomish city."

"While the city of Hupperdook is mainly Gnomes, there is a large minority population of dwarves, and a small number of humans and half-elves also make their home within the city. Most residents of Hupperdook work within the factories, either in production, management, or design, but - hey, you, don't steal my hat, you-" Kiri reports. 

"A whole city of Gnomes," June says. "That sounds. Chaotic."

"Eh, if it's a factory town it's probably really boring," Trix says. 

"Really boring," Kiri repeats. "You're not allowed to set off explosions of that size without an official permit," she adds, in a stern voice.

"You'd probably find Hupperdook really dull," Luc says, staring at them. "Cool inventions, though."

"You can't get anything neater than in Whitestone," Trix says. "Although not much in the way of weapons."

"Please stop inventing Murder Automatons," Kiri says, and nods. 

"Hupperdook isn't boring, is it?" V asks. 

"All cities are boring," Luc says. 

"Says the piece of shit ranger who decided we'd be faster off road and nearly got us all killed," Trix adds.

"You nearly got yourself killed," Luc retorts. "How was I supposed to know I had to watch over you because you can't take care of yourself."

"We're going on a vacation to the Barbed Fields!" Kiri adds, and then her typical mix of various laughs - she's started to pick up some laughs from the rest of the Disaster Crew as well, added into the cacophany.

"Are you saying he's like this with his parents, too?" June asks. 

"My parents," Luc says, "know how to take care of themselves." A pause. Kiri makes what, with a beak, is best described as a smirk. "My mother knows how to take care of herself, and my Dad knows better to go on camping trips with us, and that counts."

"That sounds a lot like my parents," June says. "Dad always had to bring a mansion along whenever we traveled anywhere." She chuckles a bit, at that.

"Do you think they'll be here?" V asks. "It's been quite a while since I last saw either of them."

"Ehh, Mom might be," June shrugs. "I think Dad's on tour? Or maybe doing stuff with Kaylie?" 

"The fact you ever have any idea where he is is a fucking miracle," Trix says. "

"No more swearing," June says. "We're basically here."

"Everyone's used to your Dad, I'm basically respectable," Trix points out with more than a bit of a growing pout."

"Yeah, but Grandpa thinks that I'm the nice one, and you all are going to keep it that way."

"Don't eat humans, okay?" Kiri says, nodding.

"I'm not going to even think about why someone told you that," June says, "just please be normal."

"That's a lot to ask," V points out. 

"Eh, as long as Trix and Kiri don't talk, I think we can pass," Luc says. He frowns, momentarily. "Nugget. On guard." They look at him. "Just, you know, I don't think Nugget jumping on old gnomes is going to end very well."

"Nugget, relax!" Kiri says, in a copy of Luc's voice. 

"He doesn't listen to you," Luc says. 

"Nugget, treat!" Kiri says, and Nugget blinks over to her, and gets handed some pocket bacon in turn.

"Good behavior!" June repeats. "My grandpa is a sweet old man and he doesn't need you weirdos messing with him!" And, with that, she runs up to the door of a small house and knocks. "Grandpa Wilhand! It's June!"

There's the sound of rustling and movement, and a positively ancient old gnomish man opens the door, grinning. "June! It's been so long! Come in, come in, come in."

They all shuffle in to the house, full of introductions and hugs and the feeling of home. 

* * *

June's dad isn't in Westruun, but her mom is, and she arrives a few hours later, done with her work at the temple, entering the house as if she'd stepped out of some mural, bathed in holy light and yet still so very normal. 

"I'm Pike, June's mom," she says, after she's traded hugs with June, Trix, and V. "It's very nice to meet June's new friends. And I'm very proud of June for making friends out of the family."

"Mom," June groans.

"Well, unless you're one of Scanlan's?" Pike asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm afraid not," Luc says. "One hundred percent halfling. Luc Brenatto, it's nice to meet you."

"I'm Kiri," Kiri adds. "I am very sweet."

"Oh, you're adorable," Pike says, turning to her. Kiri preens. Trix holds back a chortle. 

"And this is Nugget," Luc says. Nugget, being well behaved, does not tackle Pike to the floor, but only starts licking at her hand. 

"Who's a good boy?" Pike asks, scratching him behind the ears. "Is this your revenge against Scanlan for him never getting you a dog?"

"Nooo," June says. "And I never wanted a dog, I wanted a bear."

"Why would you want a pet bear?" Luc asks, tilting his head. 

Pike laughs. "Who wouldn't want a pet bear?" she asks. 

"I wanted a bear," Kiri adds. 

"You've never even seen a bear," Luc points out. 

"You've never seen a bear?" V asks. "Do they not have bears in Wildemount?"

"Eaten by a giant crocodile," Kiri says, in a voice that's more than a bit too upbeat for the context. 

"I'm starting to not believe you when you say that Wildemount is boring," June says. 

* * *

Westruun has a lot of work, for them. They fight more than a few monsters in the renovated sewer tunnels, and they don't get hurt. Much. 

And then they get caught up in, well, they get caught up in a lot of stuff, and it goes a lot of different ways, and to make a long story short, they end up breaking into the archive to steal a book.

It goes really, surprisingly well considering that June is the least stealthy person alive, and Trix is a close second, but they manage to get in, and get to the level, and no one in the Archive is even aware there's anything going on. 

And then, out of nowhere, someone says, "Wow, this is kind of impressive really," and they all turn around, ready to - ready to fight? - and find a woman standing there in a mix of normal clothing and Cobalt Soul vestments. 

"Oh fuckballs," Trix says, readying a spell. 

"Why are you guys so bad at stealth," V sighs, pulling a dagger. 

"What are you doing in Tal'dorei?" Luc asks. 

"Cobalt Soul shit," the woman says. "Geez, Luc, I know you take after your mom but I thought you'd be smarter than this."

"You know her?" V asks. "You have an in with the Archive and you didn't tell us?"

"I didn't know she would be here!" Luc says. 

"I'm Beau," the woman says. "Chief Expositor blah blah whatever. What're you trying to steal?"

"Go fuck yourself," Kiri says. 

"Hey, I missed you too," Beau says, ruffling the feathers on Kiri's head. "I mean, I'm cool with it as long as you guys bring it back or whatever. Unless you're being blackmailed. You know if you're being blackmailed you can just call one of us, right?"

"We're not calling you," Luc says. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Beau says. "Just make sure you return that shit, alright? Books are important."

"You're not here, because, you know," Luc trails off. 

"It's just boring nonsense," Beau assures him. "Nothing to do with you two. Nothing to do with the end of the world. Go steal your book."

"Why would Librarians be talking about the end of the world?" Trix asks. 

"Well, it's pretty big, historically," V points out. "She didn't look like a Librarian, though."

"All the Librarians I know look like her," Luc says. "Maybe that's just a Wildemount thing."

"They kill people!" Kiri adds. "Just a Wildemount thing."

"It sounds more and more like you're just from a weird, monstrous hellscape the more you talk about Wildemount," Trix says. 

"It's not nearly as weird as you make it sound," Luc says. "Tal'dorei has rifts to the Feywild basically everywhere, Wildemount doesn't have anything like that. Well. Anymore."

V stares back where Beau has now vanished. "Let's get that book and get out of here. I don't think we want to be messing with the Cobalt Soul."

* * *

They don't flee Westruun - they just head east because they're wandering travellers who want to explore all Tal'dorei and don't like staying in one place. The fact that there might be law enforcement looking for them is completely unrelated. And it isn't like anyone can prove anything. They're not amateurs. 

So, they head east. 

"We're off on a great adventure," Kiri sings. "Where the fuck are you going?"

"We could always head to Syngorn," June suggests, as they stare at the map.

"We're not going to Syngorn," V says. "How about Emon?"

"Do you think we'll get any work there?" Luc asks. 

"It's the capitol," Trix says. "There's always a shit ton of jobs to take."

"Emon's the capitol, good to know," Luc says. 

"You didn't know that?" Trix asks. "Man, that's just kind of sad."

"Like you could name the capitol of the Empire," Luc says. 

"I totally could," Trix says. "It's Deastok."

"NO!" Kiri calls out in a booming voice. "Hupperdook," she then sings out.

"Yeah, don't listen to her," Luc says. "We're headed to Emon, then?"

"There's probably still fire demons we can kill," V says. "And Gilmore might give us some discounts."

"And we can stay in a castle!" Trix says. 

"Magical fairy princess!" Kiri says. 

"What," Luc says.

"It isn't a castle," June says. "It's a keep. But as long as there are rooms open, we should be able to stay there. And, who knows, you guys might get to meet even more of our family."

"Are they going to be more like your mother, or like you guys?" Luc asks. 

"That's just a sign you don't know Pike very well," Trix says. "Okay, there's a chance it's one of the boring relatives, but there's also a chance it'll be someone fun."

"Fluffernutter!" Kiri says, and laughs. 

"I still have no idea what that means," V says. 

"Just hope it stays that way," Luc says. "It never ends well."

* * *

Greyskull keep is, currently, home to one of Trix's actual uncles, who is out on business because he is a very busy and important person in Emon, and Trix says that they'll probably say hi, but that he isn't one of the fun uncles, so it doesn't really matter. 

It's also home to Uncle Grog, who is definitely one of the fun uncles. 

"Junebug!" the giant man - and he has to be giant something, Luc thinks, straining his neck upwards to see him, because he's just as tall as Caduceus and twice as wide, a wall of stony muscle. "And Trixie! And V!" He scoops the three of them up into a giant hug, pulling them off of the floor and leaving Trixie to dangle off one of his arms. 

He then stares at Kiri and Luc for a good long while. 

"You're a bird," he tells Kiri. And, to Luc, "Did Scanlan have another kid?"

"No, he's just a friend of ours, he's a ranger," June says. 

"Luc Brenatto," he says, extending a hand. 

Grog squats down - still with the trio in his arms, although V takes it as an opportunity to climb off - and gives a surprisingly gentle shake. "I'm Grog," he says. 

"I'm Kiri!" Kiri adds. "I am very sweet." She laughs, and then adds, in Luc's voice, "Nugget! Hugs and kisses!"

Nugget doesn't have any hesitation blinking on top of the Grog-June-Trix pile, sending them collapsing to the stone floor and licking at Grog's face. Grog seems totally unbothered, and laughs, running his fingers into Nugget's short fur. 

"Fuck, that hurt," June says, pulling herself up. "Any good fights lately, Grog?"

"Not really," Grog says. "Some weird zombie dudes. Nothing fun. Mostly ale."

"We're gonna drop by Gilmore's and then try and find some of those fire demon dudes!" Trix says. "Want to come with?"

Grog thinks it over for a moment, sitting up. "I'm gonna go drinking," he said. "If you find real demons or dragons or whatever come and get me."

* * *

They don't leave Emon on run from any authorities, or any organized crime operations, or any angry bar owners, or any cults, in fact, they don't get run out by anyone, which is definitely how they normally leave cities and not an unusual spike in the slightest. 

"We should start heading North to Whitestone," June says.

"Why the fuck would we go to Whitestone?" Trix asks. "It's way, way too cold up there in winter. And it's super boring."

"I think June means, hey, it's almost Winter's Crest, we should go to Whitestone for the family get together," V says. "But we do that every year. If we take an airship, we might be able to make it to Wildemount, if you guys want to go home for Winter's Crest."

"We don't celebrate Winter's Crest," Luc says. "We don't really have any family holidays. My parents and I always celebrated Highsummer and Harvest Close, but nothing major."

"Hupperdook!" Kiri adds. 

"That just means you don't celebrate _any _holidays."

"You can't set off fireworks on Deep Solace," Kiri says, solemnly.

"Boring holidays don't count!" Trix says. "Okay, okay, I guess we're going to Whitestone. We're probably going on a trip to Marquet anyways, and at least Marquet is warm."

"And then we can stay in Marquet!" June suggests.

"You like the desert way too much," V says. 

"Are you sure we won't be intruding?" Luc asks. "If it's a family thing-"

"Nah, you're travelling with us and that makes you family," Trix says. 

"Welcome to the Mighty Nein!" Kiri cries out, and Luc actually punches her in the shoulder for that. 

"Besides," June adds. "You heard my mom. They're all just happy we're making new friends. Friends who don't want to kill us."

"Want to kill us," Kiri says. 

"If you wanted that," V points out, "you're doing a really bad job."

* * *

Whitestone isn't really like anywhere else Luc's been. It's a tiny, walled city in the middle of the woods, with a large, ominous castle looming over it. Climate wise, it's like Uthodern in the summer. Size wise, it's probably like Trostenwald. It has a vibe weirdly like Rosohna, in a way he can't quite place, and technology wise, well, it's second only to Hupperdook.

"Don't tell grandpa that," Trix says, when Luc brings that point up. "He likes to thinnk he's the best inventor ever."

"He's probably right," V says.

"Fluffernutter!" Kiri adds. 

"I don't think that counts as an invention," Luc says. "It's more alchemy, really."

"Fluffernutter!" Kiri repeats, and then goes back to chirping out one of the many music box tunes, the mechanical sound of it fitting in this weird, slowly turning into clockwork city."

They pass through the whole city, and then they head up to the castle, because of course they live in the weird, creepy castle. Luc's known his friends long enough to know that their whole family is super rich and super eccentric in a way that Luc's family is, technically, but never actually goes to the trouble of showing. 

The guards don't even come to check them, just waving them through after looking down at V and Trix. One of them sends a message to the castle, it looks like. Even after all the time spent travelling, it seems at least one of them is still recognized. 

An elven woman comes to greet them before they've even made it all the way in to the front hall. She's dressed in fine leathers, with a bow hung across her back, and a bear following swiftly behind her. "Velora!" she says, swooping up V in to a hug. "And Trix," she says, extending her arms to allow Trix to join in. "It has been far too long, all of you."

"Grandmother," Trix says, with a long sigh, pulling themself out of the hug. "We visit a perfectly normal amount."

"And I'm still allowed to miss you," she says. "June, it's so good to see you as well. Thank you so much, for keeping them safe." She then looks over at Luc and Kiri. "Have I forgotten one of your siblings," she asks, "or did you find another one of Scanlan's bastards?"

"Is there a resemblance I'm just not seeing?" Luc asks, brushing his hair behind his ears. 

"They're just surprised we're able to make friends with people who aren't family," June says. 

"This is Luc and Kiri and they're super awesome!" Trix says. "Kiri's a bard and Luc's a ranger just like you!"

"Luc Brenatto," he says, and bows just a little."

"My name is Kiri," Kiri adds. "It is an honor to make your acquaintance, my lady."

"That's interesting," the woman remarks, staring down at her. "Baroness Vex'ahlia," she says, and Luc can tell that there's a much longer title to go with it just by her voice. "But if you're friends with my sister and my grandchild, then you may feel free to call me Vex."

"Who else is here?" June asks. "I know we're early, but-"

"Vesper is here, of course, and she'll want to see you soon, Trix. Really, you should write her more." the Baroness says. "Cassandra is as well. Freddie and Oliver arrived just yesterday, and most of their children as well, and I believe that Jules should be coming soon. Allura and Kima arrived last week, on other business, and Kaylie hasn't sent us word yet, but I imagine she'll either be here soon or meet us there."

"Probably there," June says. "Business in Marquet's been booming, so she says."

"Your parents are in Vasselheim with Zahra and Kash and their lot," Vex continues. "They'll be planeshifting here in a handful of days. Gilmore's only going to be here for Winter's Crest proper - although I'd like your help convincing him he could really use a break. Keyleth won't arrive until then as well, but she'll be staying longer. And I have no idea where Grog is, but Pike will be messaging him when she gets here to ask if he plans on coming."

"You have a very big family," Luc whispers to V.

"I guess we do," V whispers back. 

"Trix, go talk to your mother," Vex orders, and Trix sighs before scampering off down the hallways. "The rest of us are going to sit down, have some tea, and thoroughly vet your two new friends."

"Really?" V asks. "It isn't like I'm dating either of them, Vex."

"No, you're adventuring with them, and that's much worse."

Luc offers to make tea, and he explains how his Uncle Caduceus taught him. Kiri manages to not bark out any comments about dead people tea, through some mix of her own self control and Luc's carefully timed threats, but he can see how much she wants to. He knows that there's not much of a chance they'll get kicked out of the Disaster Crew by now, but implied cannibalism is one of the easiest ways to ruins someone's opinion of you, and the Baroness looks like a dangerous person to mess with.

Her husband, Percy, doesn't at all - at least, not until he starts to examine the tinkertop crossbow, and Luc sees the manic spark of an inventor that he's used to seeing in his parents and in Hupperdook, and which he knows very well exactly how dangerous it can be. 

"Fluffernutter," Kiri whispers, which is a fairly accurate observation of the man. 

He and Kiri manage to get caught up in a conversation about clockwork and music boxes, that is rather piecemeal, and honestly kind of fascinating to watch. Vex meets Luc with a sympathetic look, and it seems like the vetting is going quite well. 

And that's when Jester decides to show up. 

Neither Luc nor Kiri have seen their Aunt in probably over a year, but she's always been intermittent, and she's always been one to teleport in and immediately start petting Nugget without any sort of warning, which is exactly what she does, right now, in the middle of Whitestone castle. 

June has her sword drawn immediately, and Vex has her bow as well, and the bear Trinket growls, and even though he doesn't see it he knows V has her daggers drawn too. The only one who doesn't look ready to attack is Percy, who takes a glance at the crossbow still laying on the desk, and the rest of them, armed, and the tiefling distracted petting a dog, and decides not to move. 

"Jester!" Kiri says, excitedly. 

Jester looks up, grinning, and that's when she notices all the weapons being pointed in her direction. "Hey Luc! Hey Kiri!" she says, waving. "Did I planeshift into the middle of you being kidnapped? That would be so cool! Do you need me to help you escape or like beat them all up because-"

"We haven't been kidnapped," Luc says. "We're meeting our friends' family for the first time. We're trying to make a good impression."

"Good impression," Kiri repeats. 

"I should have cast sending first," Jester says. 

"That might have been a good idea," Luc says. 

"But it doesn't always work between dimensions, and I didn't want to waste a spell slot," Jester says. 

"Bullshit!" Kiri says. 

"You guys are never doing anything," Jester says. "And Plane shift is always super weird and I wanted to just show up where my dog is and pet him and also I ran out of pastries because they don't have any on the Elemental planes and that's an emergency."

"You teleported into one of the most highly warded cities on Tal'Dorei because you wanted to pet a dog and eat pastries?" Percy asks. 

"Yep!" Jester says cheerfully. 

The weapons go down, slowly. 

"Are you sure that they're not all secretly evil or whatever?" Jester asks. "Because, like, I am super powerful and can probably kill everyone and also I have the spell slots to planeshift again so like,"

"Friends!" Kiri says. "We kill people!"

"What Kiri said," Luc says. "June and V. And this is Jester Lavorre."

"Your favorite Aunt," Jester says. 

"Favorite Aunt," Kiri repeats, "Yasha."

"I mean, Yasha is pretty great," Jester says. 

"Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo," Vex says. "Baroness of the First House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt, Slayer of Dragons, Champion of the Dawnfather, and Defeater of Vecna, the Undying King. And my husband, Percival."

"Jester Lavorre, High Priestess of the Traveller, Sapphire of the Sea, Savior of the Empire and the Dynasty and kind of the whole world, and there's a bunch of other titles but I've forgotten them," Jester says. 

"A pleasure," Vex says, and exactly what the smirk across her face means, it's hard to say. 

"I like your bear," Jester says. "He reminds me of Yarnball."

"Was Yarnball a bear?" June asks. 

"He was a cat," Jester says. 

"A moorbounder," Luc says. 

"Which is technically a cat, technically," Jester adds. "I've never heard of Whitestone before. Do you guys have cupcakes in Whitestone? Any cool special flavors? In Uthodern they make these black moss cupcakes that are sooo good."

"Maybe you should have teleported to Uthodern, then?" Luc suggests. 

"No, I'm kind of super tapped because I was fighting devils and stuff and plane shift never behaves right and I didn't want to get lost in the Greying Wastes," Jester says. "Besides I want to try new stuff."

"We do have the Slayer's Cake," Percy suggests, with a grin. "Vex runs it."

Jester's eyes widen. "That sounds amazing," she says, squealing just a little bit.

"We do have some of the finest pastries on the continent," Vex says. "I'll say this for your new friends, they certainly have an interesting family."

"You know, there was a point where I thought you were normal," June says.

"I'm perfectly normal," Luc says. "I'm as normal as any man with a teleporting dog."

Jester picks up Nugget - an impressive feat, considering how big he's grown, and they start to make their way down to the city and to the Slayer's Cake. 

"Oh! I have heard of Whitestone!" Jester says. "That's where residuum comes from!"

"I'm surprised you've heard of it," Percy says. "It doesn't seem to be your style."

"Oh, it's not. I just know about it because Caduceus needed to find some to toss into a forge in the center of a volcano for his quest to save the forest."

"Caduceus, the teamaker?" Vex asks, looking over at Luc.

"Yes!" Jester says. "He makes-"

"Dead people tea!" Kiri calls out, in her voice. "Yummm."

"Dead people tea?" V asks, dubious.

"It isn't actually made out of dead people," Luc says. 

"It kind of is though," Jester says. 

"Don't eat humans," Kiri repeats, solemnly. "Yummm."

"It's made from flowers that grow on graves," Luc says. "We don't drink tea made of corpses."

"It's dead people tea," Jester says. "Oh, and I guess there was the whole thing where Caleb had a bunch of residuum that got shoved in to his arms as a kid to give him magic powers, but he didn't actually tell us it was from Whitestone, so I guess that doesn't count."

"It says a great deal, I think," Percy says, "that this whole exchange actually makes me trust the two of you as adventurers more."

* * *

Tal'dorei was a lot of culture shock, but it isn't anywhere near the culture shock of coming to Marquet. They stay long after the family vacation is finished, and they're lucky to have June, who grew up equal time in Marquet and Vasselheim as she did Tal'dorei. 

Marquet is a lot of adventuring, but when they get to Ank'harel it is, instead, very little adventuring and instead a lot of drinking and talking and, well, a lot. 

"So, Vox Machina," Luc says. "Are the heroes of Tal'Dorei. And it's your parents," he points to June, "Scanlan and Pike."

"Uncle Grog!" Kiri adds. 

"And your grandparents," he says, pointing to Trix, "Vex and Percy."

"So close," June says. "You missed Aunt Keyleth."

"and Tary," Trix says, "but he only kind of counts."

"And my brother," V adds. "Vax'ildan."

"He died saving the world, like, right before my mom was born and everyone angsts about it a lot," Trix says. 

"Welcome to the Mighty Nein!" Kiri calls out.

"And the Mighty Nein," V says, "is your Aunt Jester's team."

"And Caduceus, the weird dead people tea guy," Trix says. 

"And Expositor Beauregard of the Cobalt Soul," June says. "And, um, the sea captain dude."

"So close," Kiri mimics, and then laughs.

"Hey, we did pretty good seeing how we've never even been to Wildemount!" Trix says. "That's a whole four people."

"Three and a half," Luc says. 

"Meester Fjord," Kiri says. "um, the sea captain dude."

"And there's Yasha, who could definitely beat Grog in a fight." Luc says. 

"Mollymauk Tealeaf," Kiri adds, and a few notes of a elegy.

"And Caleb, and my Mom," Luc says. 

"I could have sworn you said your mom was normal," June says. 

"There's no way his parents are normal," Trix says. 

"Then why didn't you name them?" V asks. "I knew they were alchemists. I thought they didn't count the way, say, Gilmore and Allura aren't members of Vox Machina.

"Sure, sure," Trix says. "We'll pretend to believe your lies if it makes you feel better. Is that all of them, then?"

"Ahem," Kiri says. "Technically,"

"You're not a member of the Mighty Nein," Luc says. 

"Welcome to the Mighty Nein!" Kiri says, again.

"That doesn't count, you didn't do anything," Luc says. 

"I killed people!" Kiri says.

"You were four!"

"Technically," Kiri says.

"Well, she would be the ninth member," V points out. 

"It's not nine like-" Luc starts to say. "Never mind. Yep. Kiri was totally in the Mighty Nein."

"I am very sweet," Kiri says. 

"You know what?" June says. "I'm not saying I'm tired of Marquet, but when we do decide to leave, we should totally head to Wildemount."

"You're not gonna be all 'no we shouldn't go to Wildemount,' again, are you Luc?" Trix asks. 

"You know what? No. We're going to Wildemount," Luc says. "But if you get arrested for heresy or whatever, I'm not helping you."

"Hupperdook!" Kiri says.

"We can finally learn the truth about Hupperdook!" June says. 

"You know," Trix says, "I'm pretty sure it's secretly, like, made of mushrooms or something."

"Made of mushrooms," Kiri says. "Dream big."

Luc actually snorts at that. "Yeah, okay," he says. "That's our next goal. We're going to Hupperdook."

**Author's Note:**

> I normally don't like fankid centric future fics, but the idea of luc running away to tal'dorei to avoid the mighty nein's legacy, only to team up with some vox machina kids got stuck in my head. 
> 
> and then kiri decided to join, and then it just started spiraling. but adding kiri to the mix was the best decision, because it's what made the disaster crew what they were always meant to be. disasters. 
> 
> this may end up getting expanded with what they get up to on wildemount, but i kind of doubt it. more likely, i might end up posting the outtakes of the version where in addition to nugget, luc also brings along a certain cat from 'after it all'.... we'll see...
> 
> i'm @malaismere on tumblr, feel free to talk to me about literally whatever


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